MISCARRIAGE

How many more am I gonna have before a doctor will do something?? I was so scared to have another baby so soon and not having Drake's issues fixed BUT I really need for this to stop! I am on my 7 th m/c and each time it gets worse for me to deal with! I was 5 days late with one odd positive test then I start AF, not just start but START!! I am on my 7th day of excruciating pain, I feel as if it will never go away! How much more of this can I take before I snap?? Im tired hurt and emotionally IDK what to do!

Damn it I have been pregnant 10 times, 3 births and 2 boys to show for it! I want ALL that has been taken from me! Im tired of hurting all the fucking time! I have one friend and and she doesnt even live in the same state as me *cry* I need someone here to talk to, to do things with so I dont keep thinking about all of this shit! I am on a mommy board BUT even there I dont feel like im wanted! (sorry if any of you read this) Do they really want to here about another one?? Are they gonna say things behind my back?? Like is she only doing this for attention type of thing! I shouldnt be scared to tell people, im sorry my body is all fucked up and I cant figure out whats wrong with me!!

One day this will be all over and I wont have to worry about it anymore!! If things keep going the way they are IDK what im gonna do!!! I need to talk to someone about this but every one keeps says "your fine, its no big deal!!" WTF its not a big deal I just lost another child, how is this not a big deal??

Ever feel soooo alone??

Have you ever felt so alone?? Like you dont belong anywhere?? Thats how Im feeling right now and it sucks bad! I live in a place thats just not worth doing anything or going anywhere BESIDES its t damn hot anyways! I wish I was still in Kentucky, it would be so much easier and Id be able to get out and find some new friends! This place just keeps getting worse by the day and I hate it! I would love to take my son out to the park BUT that will never happen here UNLESS I want my kid near gang bangers and drug dealers! Why does my husband have to work for the GOV. and be at the only military installation in the country WITH the worst heat,people and nothing to do?? UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just need to get out of this place for a bit BUT that wont happen! I tried a few weeks ago and never got off the ground in that plane! I miss the way things use to be, being able to go out and see people, have a few drinks and BE myself! I am no longer myself I have even lost that! When is things gonna get back to normal?? When am I gonna have friends and a life again WITHOUT all the drama!!!! Fuck it my life sucks and its gonna be that way forever!!

The things I hate most!!

I hate when people judge me when they dont even know me! Why should I apologize for something I didnt do wrong! I have been this person for 14 years and NOTHING anyone says or does is gonna change me!

In the last few days I have seen some blogs that are out right judging people for what THEY chose to do with THEIR families! Just because I chose to do something you do not agree with DOESNT make me a bad parent or person!

Yes Im atheist
yes I circ'ed my boys
yes I share a bed with my husband and 11 month old
NO I havent vaxed my son AT ALL
NO its none of your business what I do with MY FAMILY!

Further more in a marriage their are TWO people that make the decisions!
I DO NOT have a penis so its not really my decision its my HUSBANDS

I have been living a lifestyle where my children come 1st no mater what!!
FOR those of you the assume I learned my parenting style from a book YOU ARE DEAD WRONG! I have been this parent before the SO CALLED AP books came out!

These things are what im about and dont care who thinks they are better then me cause they didnt do this or didnt do that! SO to all you ignorant people out there FUCK OFF if you dont like me for letting my husband make a decision about something that MAY or MAY not effect my son later on down the road!!

I AM WHO I AM & I LOVE MY FAMILY & MYSELF!! I am not second guessing my way of parenting JUST because SOME book says I should!!

Hate stupid people!!

Why is it some people are so stupid?? We moved from our old apartment March 28th and the management company (Paul Calvo and CO dont ever rent from them) still is stalling with our return! As of 21 days after we move if we dont receive our deposits and every single charge itemized on a bill WELL they didnt comply! So this means we have ever right to sue them and get double the amount 825$ and the interest from escrow!! Well we have contacted them 4 times now and we are giving them 1 more to comply to the 825$ and interest or we will SUE their rip off asses cause we didnt do anything wrong to that apartment and they are trying to charge us for things we didnt do! Also they charged us another 130$ for rent on the last month when the manager prorated our rent, they kept our cat deposit and our cat didnt do ANY damage WTF!!

So if they dont call us back by end of day today we will go and file suit with the court house in town! I having to do this BUT they broke California state law by not complying with the agreement that was signed by us and the manager!! So updated coming on this soon.................. BUT IM FUCKING PISSED OFF!!

Well I guess this means I have NO friends!!

Jessica and Shannon!!

Im starting to realize that friends come and go!! Im living here in this afull place and dont want to even try here! I have tried a few times before and all I find are people that dont want anything to do with their kids *sigh* Things like this make me want to move home to Maine sooooooo bad, at least I would have my sister!! This sucks when your home 13 hours a day with limited adult conversations!! I wouldnt change being home cause I have my sweet little man BUT I need someone I can actually talk to and be listened to!! All I get is cut off or ignored, I feel like a shrink cause I will help/listen to anyone BUT when I need it I get nothing!! I will say I do have two wonderful friend but they both live many many hours from me!! My friend Jessica lives in NY with her beautiful family and we do talk daily, Now Shannon she is in Hawaii she is a solider, beauty queen and she has limited time for anyone or anything! LIFE sucks I would give up alot to be with them or shit just one of them at this point! I miss my life at Ft.Campbell I always had something to do and friends to do it with! Just going to the park with someone would be nice!! All the places I have been I have made atleast one true friend and here that person was Shannon BUT she has a life/job that far out ways our friendship and I understand that! Now Jessica she is one the sweetest people I have ever met in my life!! She makes my day each and every time I talk to her and her kids! She makes the most adorable babies I have seen yet and OMG I love her boys voices they are so dainty and cute! Jess you mean the world to me and I will do my damnedest to get out there to see you in NY!! I love you Jessica and Shannon you are my sista's from another motha!!!

Been kind of a slacker lately so here is a new blog LOL

Drake is 9 months old already and into everything! Its been fun running around behind Drake's little butt! He is getting so big and almost ready to walk PLEASE NOT YET!!! He eats all the time and wants our stuff instead of the jar food crap! He is still having issues with his skin and we are thinking he has plaque psoriasis and its getting worse!

We moved into a new place March 28th and we are loving it here! We are not having to deal with all the gangs and drugs since we moved! It makes me happy to know that there is one place in Barstow that they havent taken over just yet! Drake seems alot happier here also sleeping through the night and has alot more space to play on clean rugs!! On another note we are getting ready to take the old management company to small claims court due to their stupidity! They owe us over 800$ with intrest and they are acting like jack-asses!!

Wanting to go home for awhile now and ever obstacle has gotten in the way! I miss my son sooooo bad! He loves being in Maine going to school and being with his friends so it makes me happy tooooo I guess!! I guess this is it for now...............

The little things we can do!

Cleaning with white vinegar!!

White Vinegar Solution. Mix white vinegar with an equal amount of water. Spray or pat on. Here is another great solution to keep around the house in a spray bottle. This can reverse browning caused by pet mistakes, coffee, coke, tea. Always pretreat these spots with white vinegar before cleaning and allow to stand for 15 to 20 minutes. Don't hesitate to use 2 or 3 times to remove browning. White vinegar, is distilled so there are no minerals present for all practical purposes. It is usually used for cleaning purposes, whether outdoors or in. Because of its neutralizing properties, it's good for such a wide variety of applications as washing windows, sanitizing kitchen counters and shining bathroom fixtures....Vinegar neutralizes soap and detergent and any other alkaline based products, as well as dissolving mineral, calcium and lime deposits. That makes it very effective for cleaning bathroom fixtures and sinks. Because its acid content makes it antibacterial, it works well on toilets and bathroom floors, too. It can also be used to clean and disinfect cutting boards, tables and other surfaces with which food comes in contact. Wash the surface then wipe with straight vinegar and leave it to dry. If you make this a regular part of your cleaning routine, you'll have little to worry about when it comes to bacteria and fungus problems.
Vinegar cuts grease; it eats lime; it destroys odors, leaving no trace of itself behind in about a half hour. it's very environmentally friendly.

How babies grow

I could so cry right now! My son Drake is 7 months old today! He is doing so many things I cant believe it. He can sit up on his own, he can pull himself up to a standing position stand next to the couch! He says momma,dadda and bubba, he talks all the time I love it! He is finally sleeping through the night and im in shock. We are still working with signing and its going well. UMMM what else, he is weighting in at 15.6 lbs as of the begining of last week. Im sure with the way he is eating he is up over 16lbs now! So when is the next babe coming LOL nah im just kidding I dont have baby fever my hubby does lol! Maybe ill have another one for him in a few years who knows!

Sick as hell!

After being gone for a little over a week we are no home in shitty Hell Cali! Dhs grandfather passed away last week after a long illness, he went peacefully with no pain! Now that we are home Drake my cat and myself are sick as hell and it figures *sigh* This is all I got right now im gonna go lay down and see if I can get better!

Love

Love is grand when your in love with the right man! Some days I dont feel like this and some days I cant get enough of him! Its weird how things work sometimes!

Im sitting here watching my son playing with a toy and think this time next year he will be walking and Ill be chasing after him BOY I cant wait! I love that he is grow but why so fast?? I miss my wittle preemie :(

I love my children with all my heart! I would be lost in the world without them!

I wish I lived in a better place so my oldest son Gregory could be with me and watch his bother grow! Instead of screwing his entire education up I have chosen the one of the hardest things a mother could ever do! He lives in Maine with my older sister so he can have that education! Where we are now has one the worst school systems I have ever seen and I have lived some places! 4.5 out of 10 sucks ass bad so I decided he would go to school where I went its ranked a 8.5 or 9.0! Yup its hard but life is all about hard decisions and this was a big one!

So love is what happens when you marry a wonderful man and have wonderful child! Love is what you make of it! So make you love great! Most of all love your self!

Life in the slow lane!

Things have been kinda slow in my neck of the woods!

Still dealing with people giving crap about how I raise my kids and im tired of hearing about it! Yes Im AP and I love every minute of it! I co-sleep,I baby wear,I am lead by my kids every second of every day! I do not allow my son to CIO and I dont care what people think of me and the way im living my life! I had to stop breastfeeding my son due medical reasons I have no need to explain, just know it hurt me more then anything! I follow all the baby B's except BFing as stated! I am planing to CD come the end of February!

My kids are my world and I will raise them the way I choose! I am non vaxing and proud of it Momma, I dont agree with alot of the way they are made and the amounts that are given to our children!! I believe alot of the issues with our kids stem from the amount of vaxing they get! (this is just IMO) I do follow some of the Natural Family Living but not to a T!!

If you dont like what I have written then turn around and leave my blog cause I dont want the

drama here!